Toilets only clog after they've been used

Saturday after Josh got home from work, we decided to go for Messican.  As soon as we are seated we figure out that the two of us can no longer sit too comfortably on opposite sides of a booth.  I'm not sure if it was my bump up against the table or the food, but jelly bean decided I couldn't eat.  After we eat, we go to WalMart for our usual shopping excursion for the week.  It didn't last too long; I made a mad dash to the bathrooms so I wouldn't vomit on anything expensive.

So we get home, lounge around a little and after awhile decide to hit the sack.  Since I've been pregnant, I've had the ROUGHEST time sleeping at night.  I take a couple of Tylenol PMs and go to bed.  My sweet pooping machine of a puppy starts desperately crying around 2am...annoying, but whatever.  I take Chloe and Tucker outside so I won't have to tag team bathe them in the morning.  They kind of prance around a few minutes and come back.  It didn't take long, but it was just enough time for me to kinda wake up enough to realize I was hungry.  I seek out the leftovers from Casa Fiasco and chow down.

Now I'm REALLY not tired, so I go to hop on Facebook and get to chatting with one of my best friends.  It's almost 5am before I realize, "holy shit, it's almost 5am."  I bid her goodnight and go to use the toilet - of course I'd drank a few bottles of water for no apparent reason.  Before I get to the bathroom, I hear the cat scratching to get out...of the bathroom.  How the cat locked herself in there I will never know, but she was in there long enough to use the bathroom in bathroom.  Fantastic; that was exactly what I wanted to do before I attempted to go back to bed. 

I decide to pee first because you know pregnant bladders are not the most patient bladders.

So I go to pick up the brownies with some tp, and pitch it in the toilet.  I then gag and nearly get sick because cat poop is about the nastiest, foulest anything ever created.  So naturally the next step in the process is to flush the toilet.

The toilet does NOT like this idea.  It kind of gags, and begins to swell with the inevitable.  I decide to arm myself with the plunger and wait for the tide to recede.  When I think the coast is clear, I jump in with a swift flush/plunge combo & watch in horror as the toilet decides it's time to puke on me.  So there I am, hopping around, pulling up all the mats and stuff off the floor.  I throw a towel or two down infront of the gushing mess and give up.  I wash up and go to bed. 

When I crawl up under the covers Josh says, "Where have you been for 3 hours?  It's after 5am."  So naturally I start rambling..."Well Tucker was crying, and then I got hungry, and then I got to talking to Jess, and then I had to pee and clean up cat poop, and then the toilet overflowed...BTW we're out of toilet paper."  Lucky for me he was snoring before I finished my run-on sentence.