Toilets only clog after they've been used

Saturday after Josh got home from work, we decided to go for Messican.  As soon as we are seated we figure out that the two of us can no longer sit too comfortably on opposite sides of a booth.  I'm not sure if it was my bump up against the table or the food, but jelly bean decided I couldn't eat.  After we eat, we go to WalMart for our usual shopping excursion for the week.  It didn't last too long; I made a mad dash to the bathrooms so I wouldn't vomit on anything expensive.

So we get home, lounge around a little and after awhile decide to hit the sack.  Since I've been pregnant, I've had the ROUGHEST time sleeping at night.  I take a couple of Tylenol PMs and go to bed.  My sweet pooping machine of a puppy starts desperately crying around 2am...annoying, but whatever.  I take Chloe and Tucker outside so I won't have to tag team bathe them in the morning.  They kind of prance around a few minutes and come back.  It didn't take long, but it was just enough time for me to kinda wake up enough to realize I was hungry.  I seek out the leftovers from Casa Fiasco and chow down.

Now I'm REALLY not tired, so I go to hop on Facebook and get to chatting with one of my best friends.  It's almost 5am before I realize, "holy shit, it's almost 5am."  I bid her goodnight and go to use the toilet - of course I'd drank a few bottles of water for no apparent reason.  Before I get to the bathroom, I hear the cat scratching to get out...of the bathroom.  How the cat locked herself in there I will never know, but she was in there long enough to use the bathroom in bathroom.  Fantastic; that was exactly what I wanted to do before I attempted to go back to bed. 

I decide to pee first because you know pregnant bladders are not the most patient bladders.

So I go to pick up the brownies with some tp, and pitch it in the toilet.  I then gag and nearly get sick because cat poop is about the nastiest, foulest anything ever created.  So naturally the next step in the process is to flush the toilet.

The toilet does NOT like this idea.  It kind of gags, and begins to swell with the inevitable.  I decide to arm myself with the plunger and wait for the tide to recede.  When I think the coast is clear, I jump in with a swift flush/plunge combo & watch in horror as the toilet decides it's time to puke on me.  So there I am, hopping around, pulling up all the mats and stuff off the floor.  I throw a towel or two down infront of the gushing mess and give up.  I wash up and go to bed. 

When I crawl up under the covers Josh says, "Where have you been for 3 hours?  It's after 5am."  So naturally I start rambling..."Well Tucker was crying, and then I got hungry, and then I got to talking to Jess, and then I had to pee and clean up cat poop, and then the toilet overflowed...BTW we're out of toilet paper."  Lucky for me he was snoring before I finished my run-on sentence. 

I'm surprised that Alanis Morrisett song didn't start playing...

So I get a text from my mother tonight.  There is a little chitchat before I tell her I can send her the video I took at the doctor Friday; finding the heartbeat and all that.  I go to email it to her as I am leaving work.  I get an email back saying I typed in the wrong email, so I pull over to resend it. 

As soon as I hit the send button, I see blue lights.  Seriously?  You pulled me over because I pulled off the road to send a text? 

Holy hell.

Irony in its finest form

I'm considering researching names that mean IRONIC.  As I go to brush my teeth, I puke.  As I'm about to get my blood drawn, I puke.  As I'm taking my anti-nausea, I puke. 

Second trimester is better?  Ummm yeah I got that memo, but it sure isn't looking too promising!

How is this kid anti-meat, but will let me eat chili tots?

I'm just sayin.

Nerves

It's nearly 1am.  I was supposed to be in bed awhile ago.  I have an OB appointment n the morning, so I actually have to be up and functional before noon.  For some reason I decided to start a load of laundry at 11:30.  I think I'm nervous about the appointment because I'm convinced there won't be a heartbeat.  I mean, I'm fairly certain I can feel this kid moving around, and you are all aware of how fabulous my hormones have been, but after our loss earlier this year, I don't think I'm going to feel like this is FOR REAL until I'm holding this jelly bean in my arms.  Naturally I also have a feeling that I'm going to feel really stupid tomorrow when the doc finds everything right away and jelly bean is doing fine. 

Tucker has been a lap dog the last 2 days.  I wonder if he is sensing things change or if he is tired of pooping every 2 hours. 

Earlier this week I forgot to make Josh a sandwich twice.  I felt so bad.  Tonight I get my redemption; he asked, "Baby, will you make me a sandwich?"  Oh I was so happy.  I thought he would never trust me with his lunch again.

My client called me Milkshake twice today.  That's four times this week. 

I think Jersey Shore is about the most rediculously entertaining show on TV.  Who else gets away with calling (NOT) fat girls hippopotamusssesss?  Or (NOT SO) ugly girls landmines or grenades?  They fight like cats and dogs and then sit down for a nice family meal.  The girl with HUGE boobs wishes they were naturally smooshed together...Probably my guilty pleasure, but now I'm watching all that crazy stuff on Bravo, too. 

I'm still trying to convince myself there are not little freaking bugs all over me.  No ticks in 2 nights, folks!  Uhhhm not the kind of thing I normally count, but when you find them 2 for 2, you start to think they're raging a war on you.

Anyway.  It's time for this milkshake to make a sandwich.  TGIF!!!

Pink Bearded Schnauzer

My cute white fluffy schnauzer Tucker has had some stomach issues the last week.  The poor pooch has had at least one bath every day for the last few days.  As a last resort before calling the vet, I just gave him some pepto.  I put it in a dropper and tried to squeeze it down the back of his throat before he figured out what I was doing.  It mostly worked, but then he had to manage to get it in his beard.  My white puppy with a pink snout. 

On a sidenote, when I asked the kid I worked with what my name was, she said, "Milkshake!" 

Not too eventful of a day on the puking side of things, but I'm ok with that.

Make it stop, OMG make it stop.

Rewind 15 minutes: It's 1:30 am and I'm getting ready for bed.  Again.  I use the toilet, and notice a little spot on my lower abdomen I haven't seen before.  Son of a mother humping biscuit, it's another tick.  It's practically microscopic, but it's a tick alright.  Now I KNOW everything is creepy crawling all over me.  Thats EXACTLY what I wanted to find just prior to going to bed the second night in a row. 

If I have to bathe in OFF, fine; but I sure missed that memo.

I'm No Outdoorswoman

So last night as I'm getting ready for bed, I turn the lights off and run my hands along my belly. 

I feel a flap.  Of skin?  I start to pani...wait, no. I literally read the other night how it is normal for those to form at this stage of pregnancy.  Crisis avert...uh no.  This thing wasn't there this morning.  SURELY something THIS noticeable wouldn't form in a matter of hours...

I hop in the bathroom, flip on the light and discover A TICK.  A. TICK.  Ummm, a freaking TICK is leaching off my doubled blood supply and is going to transmit some unknown cootie disease to jelly bean. 

I panic and grab the tweezers because I thought for sure if I'd wake up Josh, he would think I was a nutcase.  Somehow I had the momentary brilliance to put it in a ziploc baggie in the event I woke up with antlers or spots or something.

I went to bed feeling like I had creepy crawlies all over me; I hadn't done anything outdoors ALL DAY, so I was just wigging out thinking there were more and I just hadn't found them yet.  I take that back; I went outside on the porch for about 90 seconds to let the dogs use the bathroom.  The front porch.  Not a wooded area infested with centipedes and spiders and other multi-legged guys. 

I woke up and circled the spot with a Sharpie.  Called my doctor and felt like I was asking if I needed to be checked for an STD.  Not that I know what that's like, but still.  I felt really dumb.  Who DOESN'T know the right way to get a tick off of something?  Your favorite city girl, that's who.  And it's not like I'd have to know this if I wasn't growing a baby.  It's like I spun the wheel of random and won a tick bite on my pregnant belly. 

I am still expecting to wake up and realize I've sprouted a tail.

"I might need this"

Yesterday at work, we took our kids grocery shopping.  The 'kids' I work with are about 20 years old and it's sort of a group living situation.  It's a fun experience for them because they like to get out of the house and socialize in the community.  So we pile in the car and are on our way. 

I have NEVER had an issue with motion sickness/car sickness/ random bouts of barfing until this child was concieved.  Needless to say, I get a bit queasy in the car now.  Got to the store fine; kids were great, got our shopping done.  I picked up a few things for myself that looked good at the moment; a bag of cherries, lemon yogurt, pepperjack cheese cubes & cream cheese jalapeno poppers.  For some reason I picked up an empty cardboard box thinking, "This might be good to have with me incase I have an issue in the car on the way back..."

Anyway, we finish getting what we need and head back to the group home via the pretty backroads.  Here's your mental picture:  my coworker (who has 2 kids) driving, one of the kids in the front seat.  I'm sitting in the back seat and the other kid is next to me.  Box in my lap, empty bag in the box ready for the 'unexpected.' 

I start to feel that telltale "oh shit" feeling in my gut and grab my stomach.  The kid next to me says, "It's ok, Mabecca, I got you."  My coworker starts laughing because she knows where this is about to go.  I start coughing and trying to hold back the inevitable.  The kid next to me starts crying AND laughing, then starts coughing.  The kid in the front seat turns around, sees what's going on, and starts coughing too.  My coworker can't stop laughing at the situation.  So there we are, driving down the road, laughing and gagging, puking and coughing and I think, "Oh god, everyone in this damn car is going to be covered with each others puke."  The thought only triggers more puke and more laughter.  Then I realize I peed on myself.  Fantastic.

That was a fun call to make to my husband..."I puked in the car and I peed on myself, can you bring me some clean clothes?"  And that he did.  2 options, incase I didn't like what he picked out.  What a guy. 

So today is a new day, and I'm amazed typing this didn't trigger another trip to the toilet.  Hope you all enjoyed laughing at me...I'm sure I'll join you in a year or so.

It's In There...

Incase you just happened to wander here on accident, here's the lowdown.  I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and everyone seems to think I need to blog about this super fun time in my life.  Don't get me wrong, this IS a super fun time in my life...but it's also turning out to be quite the experiment.  I'm learning what this kid likes; it changes every day so please believe it is quite the process.  I'm figuring out new and improved ways and places to vomit; which also happend nearly almost every day...And I'm learning that no matter how wierd or 'abnormal' something seems to me, "it happens to everyone while they're pregnant." 

Aside from that, the rest of my life is pretty fab.  I have the most wonderfully awesome husband; we have been married almost a year & he is my best friend.  I love my job more than most people would deem healthy.  I am blessed with several close friends, although they live all over the country.  I am a big city girl living in small town Alabama.  I've been here 8 years, but I'm still learning all the nuances that go along with the territory.  We have two little dogs, Chloe & Tucker, who are attached at the hip.  Chloe was my pound puppy until she met my husband and forgot all about me.  Tucker is the white fluffy purebred mess I bought on Craig's List when I realized Chloe was no longer 'my' dog.  Our cat is...a cat.  We just bought a house, so I'm sure that will be an exciting new chapter into our lives, as well. 

So that's mostly the gist of who I am and what I do.  Apparantly I attract the most random experiences and stories to tell, and it was kind of requested...so that's why this blog was born.  Happy reading!